in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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