He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
