chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
