I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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