It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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