Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
