He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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