I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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