So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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