So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
