I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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