At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
