Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
