I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
