im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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