Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
