I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
