I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
