doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
