I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
