Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He kissed a someone with a penis
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
