I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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