im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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