I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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