life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
