Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
