***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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