Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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