Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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