Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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