There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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