I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
