I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
