She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
