tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
