You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
