we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
