hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
