I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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