I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So many bounce houses so little time
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
