That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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