When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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