Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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