This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So many bounce houses so little time
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
