Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
