Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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