When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
