its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
As shirtless as possible
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
