He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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