sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize