people are starting to question the shark bite story
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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