Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
