I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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