I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
